Therapeutic Code - A Psych + Geek Combo

Pregaming It (D&D series part 1)

July 12, 2019 · Discuss on the GT Forum

This is the first part in a series about my experience of starting to play D&D again.

I haven’t played D&D in over 10 years. When I was in high school, I played tabletop RPGs almost every day. They’ve shaped who I am as a person over the years. The first RPG I played (Vampire: the Masquerade) even gave me the nickname that’s stuck with me throughout all the chapters of my life. And yet…I let role playing slip out of my life for over a decade. Why would I do something crazy like that? Come on an adventure together and find out!

Not all RPGs are the same

When I was younger, I played World of Darkness RPGs almost every weekend, and even sometimes during the week after school. We LARPed. I had several different storytellers that ran different types of games. When I’d met my group of gamer friends in college, I’d never played D&D before. My roommate at the time, James, said he wanted to run a campaign and asked if I wanted to join. I figured sure, why not? It can’t be that different from WoD games.

Oh boy was I wrong! I could create a WoD character in a few minutes. James sat with me for 6 HOURS working on my D&D character (this was 3.5 edition). There was too much math. Too many stats. I was SO overwhelmed. I didn’t know if I wanted to play anymore. James was so patient and gentle, and held my hand through the process step-by-step. He told me what skills my ranger would want. He helped me build an awesome animal companion (an Elven hound). He stayed up with me until 4 in the morning until it was finished.

When it came to game time, I had a blast. After one session, I went from being overwhelmed and wanting to quit, to being relaxed and wanting the game to never end. I remember when James gave me bonus xp for making a Fullmetal Alchemist reference (his favorite anime.) I also remember when he killed out friend’s character off for calling the orc leader a “beezy,” just because he thought the word was stupid. Some of this was so memorable because it was the only D&D campaign I’ve ever played. James was the only DM I’ve ever had.

That’s because 10 years ago, James died.

Loss can suck the fun out of everything

When you lose the person who brought you into a fandom or hobby, there’s several responses you can have. Without James, our D&D group fell apart. He was the lynchpin, and I didn’t have the heart to play with anyone else. I still have the character sheet tucked into my old player’s handbook. Hell, when his girlfriend and I went through his belongings, she let me keep the grid map we used. I still have it, and it still has the last dungeon he drew on it. I’ve thought about framing it, or having it set into a gaming table. It’s a beautiful drawing.

I used to get very sad when I looked at this stuff. Sometimes I still do, but now it’s more of a fond memory, and a wish that I could still have fun times with my friend. I tell myself that I haven’t played D&D for so long because I couldn’t find a group to play with. With the number of nerdy friends that I have, that’s a lie. There have been plenty of opportunities to play.

What it really comes down to is feeling that it wouldn’t be the same. I’ve had one DM, and I kind of idealized him after he died. Who can compare to the guy who sat up with me until the sun came up to create a character? I’m also super shy and sometimes emotionally awkward, and he held my hand through that and pushed me (but not too hard.) Will another DM understand me like that and help me?

Facing my fears

After all of that, I’ve decided I want to take a stab at playing D&D again. Am I excited? Yeah, but I’m also…nervous. I feel like after 10 years, my creative muscles have atrophied. I went to a counseling psychology grad program, in which we had to role-play both as the therapist and the client. I sucked at it. Hardcore failed. I don’t like how fake and forced it feels.

I’m scared I’m going to suck at fantasy role-playing too. If I’m honest with myself, I was never the best at it. I didn’t do voices. I broke character a lot. Half of the time I didn’t understand what was going on and I just rolled what people told me to. And that was when I felt like I was a creative person. I’ve got some serious RPG imposter syndrome going on.

I’m about to start a campaign with friends and play a paladin, which is not what I’m used to playing. I have a feeling that I’m going to have to do a lot of talking, which makes me a little uncomfortable (maybe a lot uncomfortable?). We’ll see how it goes. I had the least fleshed out backstory for my character out of everyone at the table, adding to my imposter syndrome.

In my usual fashion, if I’ going to do something, I’m going to go all out (at least at first). In addition to the campaign with my friends, my GT Radio co-hosts and I are playing a game together! So now I’ll have to keep track of more than one character in my head. So far it’s just a one-shot, but hopefully my paladin doesn’t creep in, especially since the games are so close together.

I’m looking forward to chronicling this adventure, and seeing how the experience of jumping back into the RPG pool head first plays out. I hope you’ll enjoy it too. To my DMs….you’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill. No pressure, guys!

To James…I hope you’re watching. This is gonna be entertaining.

New Beginnings: A New (and Improved?) Therapeutic Code

July 9, 2019 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Wow! Has it really been 5 years since I’ve made a post? If anyone is still out there following, I apologize. I feel like my blog is a zombie, rising from the dead. I blame the usual suspects (being busy, work, life, etc.), but I’ll be honest…I just dropped off the face of the Earth for a while. Now it’s time for something new!

Zombie at a computer. — Me, trying to blog after 5 years.

Since my last post, which was forever ago, I’ve graduated from my Master’s program, gotten married, and received my Marriage and Family Therapy license. I’ve been at the same mental health agency for 10 years(!), and I’m starting a new job at a new agency in the near future. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to reflect and start something new…again.

While I’ve enjoyed podcasting with my partner in crime, Josué, writing is my passion. It’s much easier for me to put my thoughts together in writing than speaking them out loud. I suppose that’s the introvert in me. I’d love for some of my posts to be a place for me to process things we’ve discussed on GT Radio or The Happiest Pod on Earth in a deeper way. Other times I may have experiences in my work as a therapist that I’d like to discuss. I’d also like to look at how I relate to the media I consume. Really, the sky’s the limit!

For anyone new to my blog (which I’m sure most of you are), I hope you enjoy going through my old posts. Most of them are still totally relevant! Please forgive the broken links and missing images. Clearing off 5 years of dust can mean a few things get jumbled.

Mickey Mouse in a construction outfit. Please Pardon Our Appearance, This Area is Being Refurbished for your Future Enjoyment

Enjoy and I hope you continue to join me on this new adventure! Look for something new from me soon.

Queer Comics Expo: Fierce and Fabulous Heroes Unite

June 23, 2014 · Discuss on the GT Forum

It’s pride month everyone! Which means lots of gays, lots of partying, lots of cultural events, and lots of LGBT blog posts. It just so happens that there’s been lots of awesome geeky queer things going on lately that I’ve been meaning to write about, so pride month here we come! (Even if it is almost over…)

June 8th I had the experience of volunteering at the first annual Queer Comics Expo at the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco. It was held as a part of the Queer Cultural Center’s National Queer Arts Festival. That’s a lot of queerness.

(Image via Cartoon Art Museum)

The event included appearances by artists such as Tyler Cohen, Alex Woolfson, Jon Macy, Agnes Czaja, and was headlined by Ed Luce (who’s book, Wuvable Oaf was just picked up by publisher Fantagraphics). Prism Comics, Northwest Press and Geeks OUT also all had booths with lots of queer friendly merchandise. It was a small event but definitely a good start for its first year, and it pulled a larger crowd than originally expected, with definite room for growth.

The expo also included some programming including one panel moderated by Northwest Press’ Zan Christensen which discussed where queer comics are headed, two life drawing sessions with models dressed as Cyclops and Mystique from X-Men, and a screening of DATING SUCKS: A Genderqueer Misadventure by Sam Berliner.

For the size of the event, I feel like it was the right amount of programming and offered unique experiences. Most conventions I’ve been to haven’t offered models for life drawing, how about you?

I had the chance to talk to the organizers, Nina Kester and Heather Plunkett. Both seemed excited about the number of attendees and the overall vibe of the event. Plunkett, who runs the Cartoon Art Museum’s bookstore said that everyone seemed happy to be there and so appreciative that someone would put on an event like this.

I have my own feelings about what makes inclusive events like this important, but I wanted to ask the organizers why they wanted to create a queer friendly comics event. Kester told me, “Look around. All of these people feel comfortable being who they are. Someone can ask a male model to do a pin up pose usually reserved for female models and no one judges. In fact the male model enjoyed the pin up pose better. We can just be us.”

Being able to feel safe in being who you are is important for mental health. Because of this, having a space where you can be queer and like comics is double important, due to being looked down upon from both sides. That being said, the number of people in this community are more than I would have guessed, which is awesome! More queer comic creators and more queer comic readers means more people to connect with each other and feel as if they aren’t alone. And connectedness is also another key to mental health.

From what I could tell everyone was happy with the event, attendees, exhibitors, volunteers and organizers alike. The event went off without a hitch with only 2 months of planning and 3 volunteers on site for the day. With a year to plan, and more creators asking about tables in the future, just imagine what they can do next year.

And they are definitely planning on a next year.

Minecraft: A new way to Sand Tray

May 19, 2014 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Wow! It has been a really long time since I’ve written a post. Sorry about that, everyone. The end of the semester, deep cleaning the apartment for visitors, and wedding planning managed to get in the way. But now I’m back, with 2 years of grad school under my belt, a less hazardous writing environment, some wedding details pinned down, and I am ready to talk geeky awesomeness!

This week one of my co-workers told me about a technique he’s trying out which he likes to call “Minecraft Sand Tray”. For those of you who have no idea what Sand Tray therapy is, I’ll give you a very basic rundown.

(Image via Cypress Holistic)

It’s a tray, filled with sand, which clients can use a variety of toys to play in. Usually through their play, a therapist is able to get a peek at the client’s inner world. The play ends up representing whatever issues are going on for them. Sand Tray is usually used with children, but sometimes teens and adults are open to it too.

(Image via Psychology Today)

The main mechanism that allows this to work is the openness and freedom given to the client. Usually therapists who use a sand tray have a large selection of toys for the client to use, so that they can play out any scenario they wish with any kind of representation they would like. Action figures, animals, houses, trees, rocks, strong characters, weak characters, and the list goes on. If you can imagine it, it can happen.

For those of you who don’t know Minecraft, the game incorporates this same freedom to explore. You can craft whatever you want out of 8-bit, pixelated blocks…as long as you have the materials. Some players are very elaborate and build realistic buildings. Others want to build the most ridiculous things they can think of.

(Image via Minecrafter Camp)

My coworker uses Minecraft with his client (a boy who enjoys the game), to explore what is important to him and the themes that comes up when he plays. He told me about a session in which his client did not want to kill one of the animals for food, but instead he wanted to keep it as a pet. So he built a home for it. He returned to playing during another session and his pet had died. He was sad about it, and dug a grave for it with a tombstone and everything. The boy even said that it was too dark there and put a torch next to the grave to keep it lit.

My coworker told me he was surprised because he personally never would have thought not to kill the animal for food, because it’s a mechanic of the game. His client, however, was very adamant about protecting the animal and making it a continuing part of his play.

I think it’s a brilliant idea, and a modern (less expensive) way to conduct Sand Tray type therapy. I don’t play Minecraft, and know little about it, but if I had a client who was interested, I would love to try this out. It would also allow my client to teach me something and be the expert, which is also empowering and healing.

For now, it’s time to start prepping for the next semester. No more 2 week hiatuses…I promise!

Wonder Con recap!

April 28, 2014 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Sorry for the lack of post last week. Wonder Con kicked my butt. I feel like I’ve been sleepwalking the past week.

(Image via Dark Horse Adaptations)

Speaking of Wonder Con, it was an action filled, jam packed weekend. I don’t have much information to report back, but hopefully my ramblings about the experience will do.

This was the first time I had been to Wonder Con since it was in San Francisco. It was really busy. More so than when it was up here in the Bay Area, I think, but I can’t be really sure since it’s a totally different space. Even Easter Sunday was packed! Definitely not San Diego sized, but that’s ok. Especially since I don’t do well in large crowds.

For the most part, I spent my time wandering around and catching up with Josué Cardona. It was great to talk to a colleague who not only tolerates or accepts my views on using nerdy interests in therapy, but who does it himself. He is my self-proclaimed #1 fan. I’m sure my fiance would take issue with that. Regardless, it is nice to know that my writing is appreciated. I definitely came home after spending the weekend chatting and planning with a renewed desire to write and dive head first into the geek world…just as soon as I’d had some time to sleep. Like a week. Or a month.

I did go to a few awesome panels during the con! The first was a panel on the Psychology of Cult TV. Josué, Dr. Travis Langley, Elizabeth Ann, and Dr. Janina Scarlet discussed how the shows that we love bring us together as a community and can actually help us. Whether we love Buffy, Dr. Who, Firefly, or Sherlock, we are able to connect with one or more of the characters and feel like we aren’t alone. They asked the audience if they had ever seen something on a show and felt as though they were going through the same thing. Many people raised their hands. In my opinion, the take away from the panel was that regardless of what show you like, if it makes you feel better, and gives you someone to connect with, don’t let someone make you feel bad for watching.

(Image via Prism Comics)

Saturday was a late night. I went to a panel called “Wild Queer Women of the Web”. Essentially it was a discussion about queer webcomics from a female perspective. The consensus among the panelists was that writing webcomics has an advantage over ink and paper publishing mainly because no one can tell you what you can and cannot make. Therapeutic Code and Geek Therapy got plugged, mainly because my fabulous fiance made the announcement that she will be collaborating with Josué on a comic in the future. The crowd (and even the panelists) seemed excited about the concept of Geek Therapy, so even if it was shameless, the plug was worth it!

During the day, we picked up a stuffed Herobear (which you can expect a post about later on), who I have decided needs to travel with me and take pictures everywhere. That way he can save geeks everywhere! He made a cameo at the webcomics panel, but the highlight of his night was hanging out with the fish at the Rainforest Cafe.

The last panel I went to was a look at Batgirl called “Batgirl Begins Again”. Dr. Travis Langely led a discussion with Gail Simone and Dr. Andrea Letamendi on Batgirl, her past, her present, and where she might go in the future. I loved the panel, and it made me want to go out and read more Batgirl comics. However, I took issue with how often the words “victim” and “victimization” were used.

It’s a pet peeve of mine, I understand, but there is a method to my madness. To me, the word victimization puts a judgement on the person involved, not the event. Survivors are those who have suffered through events and lived. Victims are those who have died. The words trauma and traumatization put the focus on the even, rather than the person involved, which allows for those who have been through a trauma to see themselves as a survivor.

Putting that aside, I thought it was an insightful look at how mental health can play an important role in comics. Gail Simone did her research, and I appreciate that. It’s a responsible move, and I hope that in the future more writers can be as forward thinking as her. I even heard her use the word trauma instead of victim a few times.

I hope my rundown of the weekend wasn’t too boring. The semester is ending and I will be back up to writing snuff soon! I have a lot of awesome things to write about as soon as I have time. In the meantime, I leave you with this awesome evil Delsin Rowe (from InFamous: Second Son) cosplay!

Games for Change is Changing Games

April 14, 2014 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Sometimes it can feel like the game industry pumps out the same old games over and over again. Games for Change was founded in 2004 to promote the development of games to impact education and social change. They are holding their 11th annual Games for Change Festival in New York this year, April 22-24 &26h.

(Image via Games for Change)

During the festival, there will be an awards ceremony held to honor the games and creators who have made influential games to promote positive social change and learning. These games usually have different game mechanics or play style, or include content that brings important issues to light. The categories include Most Significant Impact, Most Innovative, Best Gameplay, and Game of the Year.

(Image via Brain Pop)

Some of the nominees include Papers Please, The Mission US: A Cheyenne Odyssey, Start the Talk, Migrant Trail, Sound Self, Súbete al SITP, TyrAnt, and (my personal favorite) Gone Home.

Whether crowd-funded or supported by public and private funding, the finalists reflect the increasing diversity of forms, audiences and subject matter embraced by developers making games for change. To reach this stage, game developers from around the world were asked to submit their games for consideration by a blue-ribbon panel of judges featuring leaders of the gaming community, philanthropic sector, non-profits and education.

(Image via Game Engine Podcast)

I’m super bummed that I won’t be able to make it out to the East Coast to attend this awesome event. Games are a way for us to connect with difficult material in a less threatening way. They also provide us with a (sometimes sneaky) way of providing important information and educational experiences in a fun and interactive way. Kids are more likely to be engaged with the material if they are playing a game than if they have to read a text book or listen to lecture. The fact that there is a festival to celebrate these types of games is proof that there enough people out there who want to see these games made, and people who will buy them.

I encourage everyone who can to go to the Games for Change Festival. Everyone else should pay attention to the interwebz for what happens there…oh and go play some of the games!