Therapeutic Code

I’ve Got D&D Fever (D&D series part 2)

March 23, 2020 · Discuss on the GT Forum

I know, I know. The title of this article looks like it’s timed with the COVID-19 crisis in mind. I promise I’ve had this post in my back pocket for a while. Now I just have more time at the moment to make it happen. And I really do have D&D fever, which I will definitely take over the current health crisis and the resulting cabin fever.

Since my last D&D article, I’ve played several sessions in 2 different campaigns. Each campaign has offered me very different experiences, and 2 different DMing styles. They’ve both been a wild ride, and a lot of fun. I’ll definitely process some of the campaigns here, but the actual gaming is a small part of my fever.

Escaping into actual play

Actual play podcasts are pretty much the best thing ever.

I started my expedition into these tales of adventure with the d20 Dames. This female-centric, is queer, POC, and family friendly. The dames have so much fun with each episode. It’s full of puns, excitement, suspense, and out of the box thinking. There isn’t a monster they’ve run into that they haven’t tried to befriend.

I binged all of the episodes until I caught up at the end of season 2. Once I caught up, it was tough to adjust to listening to something else everyday during my commute. At least now I savor listening to my favorite ranger, barbarian, druid, and DM, and look forward to them biweekly.

After finishing up Dames, the D&D fever intensified, so I decided to start listening to The Adventure Zone from the beginning. THAT was definitely an odd shift. I hated the show for the first few episodes. What I loved about the d20 Dames? These guys were the opposite. Lots of swearing, lewd jokes, and it seemed like they didn’t know what they were doing. But I stuck it out and I’m glad I did. The story had heart, and it was so worth it. I only listened to their first campaign (Balance). I guess I could only take so much dude humor.

Buying all the shinies!

I keep spending money on D&D (which isn’t really that hard to do.) Lucky for me, I already had a pretty decent dice collection, so I haven’t been obsessively buying dice…yet. There are so many awesome sets out there that I want, but don’t need. Everyone has that problem though, right?

Before even starting the campaign with my friends at home, I bought a custom miniature for my character from Hero Forge. I feel like it was worth the higher price. Their stuff is good quality, and I feel like my first D&D character in 10 years deserves some kind of trophy. Besides, she looks really badass.

I backed the skinny minis Kickstarter. Once I’ve built the confidence to start running games (either at home or in my therapy practice), these will be a game changer. They’re flat and can be stored in a binder, making them super portable. And the the art work is so pretty! I swear this isn’t an ad (the Kickstarter’s over anyway).

I have so many D&D books now. Amazon had a 50% off sale if you bought 3 books a while back. So now I have all 3 source books (Player’s Handbook, Dungeon Master’s Guide, and Monster Manual), Sword Coast Adventurer’s Guide, Volo’s Guide to Monsters, Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, and Eberron – Rising from the War. Oh, and I have Rolled and Told’s big pretty vol. 1 collection. The D&D fever definitely hit my pocketbook, and the little free time I have left.

Dungeon Master’s Guide Obsession.

While I’ve opened maybe half the books, and even skimmed through a few of them, one of them got a deep dive. I read the Dungeon Master’s guide. Cover. To. Cover.

I know, I know…some say it might not be possible, but I did it. My wife was worried about me for a bit there. Almost every night she’d lean over and act surprised that I was reading it or shocked at how far I’d gotten.

To be fair, I’ve probably already forgotten 80-90% of what I read…but I feel like I accomplished something. My brain just wanted to know how the game works better. I don’t know if I actually know the game better…but I loved reading about all the magic items and ways to manage situations that come up in game.

I’m a long way from being able to run a game myself, but I think this was a good step.

Finally to the campaigns

After (and during) all the build up and obsessing over storylines, character ideas, and imagined fantasy worlds, I managed to actually play the game!

The first campaign I’ve been a part of has been fun. My wife and I got a few of our friends together to play at our place. We played a few times over the summer/fall, but when the DM and his (now) wife (also our halfling ranger) got married, we had to put the game on hiatus understandably. Over the last 9 months, we’ve played maybe 4 or 5 times.

I will say that the one good thing about COVID-19 is that it’s freed up some time for us to get together and play…online. We’re going to be trying Roll20, and we’ll see how that goes.

I play a half-elf paladin of the ancients. She’s looking to protect the beauty in the world. Kinda think I need some of that in my life right now.

For GT Adventures, the Geek Therapy actual play podcast, I decided to try something I haven’t done before. I picked a class that I usually don’t play (a rogue) and completely randomized it on D&D Beyond. Less goody goody, more know it all, Darkfeet is a dwarf researcher turned to a life of crime.

I have a lot of fun podcasting with my GT buddies, Josué, Lauren, and our fearless leader Brandon. It’s very different playing for a podcast than just a group at home, but I’m learning. Sometimes we have awkward pauses, but it’s ok. We think outside the box and that’s what matters. Pierce, Bonk, and Darkfeet are like the odd throuple I didn’t know needed in my life. Not to toot my own horn, but we’re hilarious.

Each of the two campaigns is giving me very different experiences. My home campaign is a slightly larger group (6 players and a DM), and GT Adventures is smaller (3 players and a DM). Both of my DMs have different styles, but are very laidback, which I appreciate. With all the stress in the world (and my life) I like my games to be fun and go with the flow.

As far as my worries from before…I still feel my role playing skills are so-so, and I don’t speak up much. I have a hard time getting into my roles when they’re so different from who I am. So then I just end up playing me, if I were in a fantasy world. But I suppose there’s something to enjoy from that. I also still don’t do voices.

To wrap it all up, I’m getting into the swing of things with RPGs again. I want to do more, but sometimes it’s hard to find the time. If it’s hard for you to find the time, try to find groups online that might be able to flex schedules.

As of the writing of this post, we’re all in a state of uncertainty and social distancing. It can be scary and lonely, but if you can use things like Roll20 to connect with your group and get some gaming done, do it! A little escapism at a time like this is fine. And you’ll get to be a badass hero (or whatever kind of hero you want to be) while you’re doing it.

Stay home, wash your hands, and destroy your enemies.

The Power of a Podcast

February 24, 2020 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Power of words — Sometimes therapists find the right words to give.

When I sit with a client in my office, I try to remain aware of the power that the words I use can have. The most common way of practicing therapy is in a one-on-one setting. This allows me to tailor my words to the person in the chair across from me. I can craft words that I feel will best help that other person take in the information and hear what they need to hear to heal. Clients feel like I’m speaking to them and their needs alone. It’s not always easy, but it’s effective. If I’m reckless, my words have the power to push people further from their best self. If I’m able to pinpoint the correct thing to say, I can help them start to move past their “stuff.”

Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it.
Albus Dumbledore

Dumbledore’s words sit heavy on my shoulders when I sit down to record an episode of GT Radio or The Happiest Pod on Earth. As a therapist, I understand the power of words. As a podcaster I do too. Podcasters can’t tailor their words to each listener. Whether a podcast has 5 listeners, or 5k listeners, odds are that each listener’s experience is different. That makes it hard to reach everyone.

Podcasters go it alone without feedback.

Pleasing everyone isn’t possible. I get that. If I get people thinking/talking, that’s great. Sometimes the disagreements fuel the best discussions. I try my best and hope that my words land well with whoever’s listening, and that I don’t do harm. Ultimately, I hope I can reach someone and help make them feel seen. Whenever I get a note that something I said was impactful, it makes my heart swell to know something I said landed well with someone. There are other podcasters that feel the same out there too.

Murder has…the power to heal?

True crime is very hot and popular right now. Documentaries, reenactment shows, books, subscriptions crates, and podcasts about the darker side of our world abound. I’ve discussed before how the horror genre can allow us to explore our fear in a safe way. True crime is different. In horror, the things that go bump in the night aren’t real. When we experience those stories, we know that a werewolf isn’t going to eat us or a demon isn’t going to possess us. With true crime…the stories are real. Real terror, trauma, and tragedy. So what can be positive or healing about that?

One podcast in particular comes to mind when I try to explain this: My Favorite Murder.

Image via My Favorite Murder

Murderinos unite!

The hosts of My Favorite Murder, Karen and Georgia, have a way with words for larger audiences that is hard to come even close to. Their episodes are very conversational because they record with each other in Georgia’s living room, and it has a way of making each listener feel like they’re in the room with them. Followed by thousands of murderinos (what they call their listeners), they say what they’re going to say, without trying to please everyone and doing little fact checking. What puts them apart is their willingness to admit they’re wrong.

They often have a “corrections corner” in which they admit where they’ve screwed up in past episodes. The duo admit their faults and apologize to their fans. They use humor to talk about the tough stuff (which, admittedly is their entire podcast). They’re also unabashedly honest about their mental health struggles. Georgia talks about her depression and anxiety, and going to therapy before recording on the regular, and Karen discusses her struggles with drug and alcohol use. They discuss it in a lighthearted, funny, and honest way. Friends of mine and clients alike have said they were inspired to get help and go to therapy because of listening to the show.

Murderinos don’t have to hide their interests and hobbies anymore. They’ve found their people. Karen and Georgia have built a supportive, creative, caring community out of something that scares off many people even by mentioning the title of the show. They’re saving lives, whether they know it or not.

Light from the dark

My Favorite Murder shines a light on the scary stuff, in order to help people cope with the knowledge that there is a boogey man out there. Karen and Georgia crack jokes and throw out one liners that are actually pretty good advice. “Lock your fucking doors.” “Fuck politeness.” “Call your dad, you’re in a cult.” These lines are humorous but real. Their sign off for the show “Stay sexy, don’t get murdered” is a manta for many murderinos, who’ve had it tattooed on their bodies. They also manage to be respectful of the dead, even when making light of the horrors they went through. It’s hard to imagine, but it’s definitely worth listening to.

I’m only just now finishing up the first year of the show. I can’t wait to binge the 150+ more episodes I have to hear and belly laugh to some really messed up humor.

Pregaming It (D&D series part 1)

July 12, 2019 · Discuss on the GT Forum

This is the first part in a series about my experience of starting to play D&D again.

I haven’t played D&D in over 10 years. When I was in high school, I played tabletop RPGs almost every day. They’ve shaped who I am as a person over the years. The first RPG I played (Vampire: the Masquerade) even gave me the nickname that’s stuck with me throughout all the chapters of my life. And yet…I let role playing slip out of my life for over a decade. Why would I do something crazy like that? Come on an adventure together and find out!

Not all RPGs are the same

When I was younger, I played World of Darkness RPGs almost every weekend, and even sometimes during the week after school. We LARPed. I had several different storytellers that ran different types of games. When I’d met my group of gamer friends in college, I’d never played D&D before. My roommate at the time, James, said he wanted to run a campaign and asked if I wanted to join. I figured sure, why not? It can’t be that different from WoD games.

Oh boy was I wrong! I could create a WoD character in a few minutes. James sat with me for 6 HOURS working on my D&D character (this was 3.5 edition). There was too much math. Too many stats. I was SO overwhelmed. I didn’t know if I wanted to play anymore. James was so patient and gentle, and held my hand through the process step-by-step. He told me what skills my ranger would want. He helped me build an awesome animal companion (an Elven hound). He stayed up with me until 4 in the morning until it was finished.

When it came to game time, I had a blast. After one session, I went from being overwhelmed and wanting to quit, to being relaxed and wanting the game to never end. I remember when James gave me bonus xp for making a Fullmetal Alchemist reference (his favorite anime.) I also remember when he killed out friend’s character off for calling the orc leader a “beezy,” just because he thought the word was stupid. Some of this was so memorable because it was the only D&D campaign I’ve ever played. James was the only DM I’ve ever had.

That’s because 10 years ago, James died.

Loss can suck the fun out of everything

When you lose the person who brought you into a fandom or hobby, there’s several responses you can have. Without James, our D&D group fell apart. He was the lynchpin, and I didn’t have the heart to play with anyone else. I still have the character sheet tucked into my old player’s handbook. Hell, when his girlfriend and I went through his belongings, she let me keep the grid map we used. I still have it, and it still has the last dungeon he drew on it. I’ve thought about framing it, or having it set into a gaming table. It’s a beautiful drawing.

I used to get very sad when I looked at this stuff. Sometimes I still do, but now it’s more of a fond memory, and a wish that I could still have fun times with my friend. I tell myself that I haven’t played D&D for so long because I couldn’t find a group to play with. With the number of nerdy friends that I have, that’s a lie. There have been plenty of opportunities to play.

What it really comes down to is feeling that it wouldn’t be the same. I’ve had one DM, and I kind of idealized him after he died. Who can compare to the guy who sat up with me until the sun came up to create a character? I’m also super shy and sometimes emotionally awkward, and he held my hand through that and pushed me (but not too hard.) Will another DM understand me like that and help me?

Facing my fears

After all of that, I’ve decided I want to take a stab at playing D&D again. Am I excited? Yeah, but I’m also…nervous. I feel like after 10 years, my creative muscles have atrophied. I went to a counseling psychology grad program, in which we had to role-play both as the therapist and the client. I sucked at it. Hardcore failed. I don’t like how fake and forced it feels.

I’m scared I’m going to suck at fantasy role-playing too. If I’m honest with myself, I was never the best at it. I didn’t do voices. I broke character a lot. Half of the time I didn’t understand what was going on and I just rolled what people told me to. And that was when I felt like I was a creative person. I’ve got some serious RPG imposter syndrome going on.

I’m about to start a campaign with friends and play a paladin, which is not what I’m used to playing. I have a feeling that I’m going to have to do a lot of talking, which makes me a little uncomfortable (maybe a lot uncomfortable?). We’ll see how it goes. I had the least fleshed out backstory for my character out of everyone at the table, adding to my imposter syndrome.

In my usual fashion, if I’ going to do something, I’m going to go all out (at least at first). In addition to the campaign with my friends, my GT Radio co-hosts and I are playing a game together! So now I’ll have to keep track of more than one character in my head. So far it’s just a one-shot, but hopefully my paladin doesn’t creep in, especially since the games are so close together.

I’m looking forward to chronicling this adventure, and seeing how the experience of jumping back into the RPG pool head first plays out. I hope you’ll enjoy it too. To my DMs….you’ve got some pretty big shoes to fill. No pressure, guys!

To James…I hope you’re watching. This is gonna be entertaining.

New Beginnings: A New (and Improved?) Therapeutic Code

July 9, 2019 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Wow! Has it really been 5 years since I’ve made a post? If anyone is still out there following, I apologize. I feel like my blog is a zombie, rising from the dead. I blame the usual suspects (being busy, work, life, etc.), but I’ll be honest…I just dropped off the face of the Earth for a while. Now it’s time for something new!

Zombie at a computer. — Me, trying to blog after 5 years.

Since my last post, which was forever ago, I’ve graduated from my Master’s program, gotten married, and received my Marriage and Family Therapy license. I’ve been at the same mental health agency for 10 years(!), and I’m starting a new job at a new agency in the near future. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to reflect and start something new…again.

While I’ve enjoyed podcasting with my partner in crime, Josué, writing is my passion. It’s much easier for me to put my thoughts together in writing than speaking them out loud. I suppose that’s the introvert in me. I’d love for some of my posts to be a place for me to process things we’ve discussed on GT Radio or The Happiest Pod on Earth in a deeper way. Other times I may have experiences in my work as a therapist that I’d like to discuss. I’d also like to look at how I relate to the media I consume. Really, the sky’s the limit!

For anyone new to my blog (which I’m sure most of you are), I hope you enjoy going through my old posts. Most of them are still totally relevant! Please forgive the broken links and missing images. Clearing off 5 years of dust can mean a few things get jumbled.

Mickey Mouse in a construction outfit. Please Pardon Our Appearance, This Area is Being Refurbished for your Future Enjoyment

Enjoy and I hope you continue to join me on this new adventure! Look for something new from me soon.

Queer Comics Expo: Fierce and Fabulous Heroes Unite

June 23, 2014 · Discuss on the GT Forum

It’s pride month everyone! Which means lots of gays, lots of partying, lots of cultural events, and lots of LGBT blog posts. It just so happens that there’s been lots of awesome geeky queer things going on lately that I’ve been meaning to write about, so pride month here we come! (Even if it is almost over…)

June 8th I had the experience of volunteering at the first annual Queer Comics Expo at the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco. It was held as a part of the Queer Cultural Center’s National Queer Arts Festival. That’s a lot of queerness.

(Image via Cartoon Art Museum)

The event included appearances by artists such as Tyler Cohen, Alex Woolfson, Jon Macy, Agnes Czaja, and was headlined by Ed Luce (who’s book, Wuvable Oaf was just picked up by publisher Fantagraphics). Prism Comics, Northwest Press and Geeks OUT also all had booths with lots of queer friendly merchandise. It was a small event but definitely a good start for its first year, and it pulled a larger crowd than originally expected, with definite room for growth.

The expo also included some programming including one panel moderated by Northwest Press’ Zan Christensen which discussed where queer comics are headed, two life drawing sessions with models dressed as Cyclops and Mystique from X-Men, and a screening of DATING SUCKS: A Genderqueer Misadventure by Sam Berliner.

For the size of the event, I feel like it was the right amount of programming and offered unique experiences. Most conventions I’ve been to haven’t offered models for life drawing, how about you?

I had the chance to talk to the organizers, Nina Kester and Heather Plunkett. Both seemed excited about the number of attendees and the overall vibe of the event. Plunkett, who runs the Cartoon Art Museum’s bookstore said that everyone seemed happy to be there and so appreciative that someone would put on an event like this.

I have my own feelings about what makes inclusive events like this important, but I wanted to ask the organizers why they wanted to create a queer friendly comics event. Kester told me, “Look around. All of these people feel comfortable being who they are. Someone can ask a male model to do a pin up pose usually reserved for female models and no one judges. In fact the male model enjoyed the pin up pose better. We can just be us.”

Being able to feel safe in being who you are is important for mental health. Because of this, having a space where you can be queer and like comics is double important, due to being looked down upon from both sides. That being said, the number of people in this community are more than I would have guessed, which is awesome! More queer comic creators and more queer comic readers means more people to connect with each other and feel as if they aren’t alone. And connectedness is also another key to mental health.

From what I could tell everyone was happy with the event, attendees, exhibitors, volunteers and organizers alike. The event went off without a hitch with only 2 months of planning and 3 volunteers on site for the day. With a year to plan, and more creators asking about tables in the future, just imagine what they can do next year.

And they are definitely planning on a next year.

Minecraft: A new way to Sand Tray

May 19, 2014 · Discuss on the GT Forum

Wow! It has been a really long time since I’ve written a post. Sorry about that, everyone. The end of the semester, deep cleaning the apartment for visitors, and wedding planning managed to get in the way. But now I’m back, with 2 years of grad school under my belt, a less hazardous writing environment, some wedding details pinned down, and I am ready to talk geeky awesomeness!

This week one of my co-workers told me about a technique he’s trying out which he likes to call “Minecraft Sand Tray”. For those of you who have no idea what Sand Tray therapy is, I’ll give you a very basic rundown.

(Image via Cypress Holistic)

It’s a tray, filled with sand, which clients can use a variety of toys to play in. Usually through their play, a therapist is able to get a peek at the client’s inner world. The play ends up representing whatever issues are going on for them. Sand Tray is usually used with children, but sometimes teens and adults are open to it too.

(Image via Psychology Today)

The main mechanism that allows this to work is the openness and freedom given to the client. Usually therapists who use a sand tray have a large selection of toys for the client to use, so that they can play out any scenario they wish with any kind of representation they would like. Action figures, animals, houses, trees, rocks, strong characters, weak characters, and the list goes on. If you can imagine it, it can happen.

For those of you who don’t know Minecraft, the game incorporates this same freedom to explore. You can craft whatever you want out of 8-bit, pixelated blocks…as long as you have the materials. Some players are very elaborate and build realistic buildings. Others want to build the most ridiculous things they can think of.

(Image via Minecrafter Camp)

My coworker uses Minecraft with his client (a boy who enjoys the game), to explore what is important to him and the themes that comes up when he plays. He told me about a session in which his client did not want to kill one of the animals for food, but instead he wanted to keep it as a pet. So he built a home for it. He returned to playing during another session and his pet had died. He was sad about it, and dug a grave for it with a tombstone and everything. The boy even said that it was too dark there and put a torch next to the grave to keep it lit.

My coworker told me he was surprised because he personally never would have thought not to kill the animal for food, because it’s a mechanic of the game. His client, however, was very adamant about protecting the animal and making it a continuing part of his play.

I think it’s a brilliant idea, and a modern (less expensive) way to conduct Sand Tray type therapy. I don’t play Minecraft, and know little about it, but if I had a client who was interested, I would love to try this out. It would also allow my client to teach me something and be the expert, which is also empowering and healing.

For now, it’s time to start prepping for the next semester. No more 2 week hiatuses…I promise!